This post is about perfectionism, and a realization I’ve had about perfectionism lately, because it’s something I struggle with. Now, I’m not so bad that I freaked out if I got a 97% on a test at school. I wasn’t upset that I wasn’t valedictorian when I graduated high school. But I am a perfectionist.
I always want to do my best. I feel a duty to give a good effort when I feel something is important. I feel bad if I don’t give my all. And when things don’t go well, I tend to beat myself up over it when I shouldn’t, because what good does that do? I’m learning to be patient with myself and give myself some breaks. That becomes a lot easier when I remember something I’ve learned this year:
Perfectionism is a form of pride.
Pride’s bad, in my book. And I don’t want to be prideful. So making that connection goes a long way to helping me let go of my perfectionistic tendencies.
And the connection is real between pride and perfectionism.
I’m perfectionistic in the sense that I don’t give myself a learning curve. I want to be able to do everything right now, and be who I’m meant to be right now. That’s prideful. I don’t in any way think I deserve short cuts, or that I’m better than other people. So why should I demand things of myself that I just can’t do yet?
Now, this is a blog mostly for authors, and this is a topic that greatly applies to authors. My perfectionism can influence my writing: how I approach it, how I feel about it.
I don’t judge anyone else who writes crummy first drafts. First drafts are supposed to be crummy. So why do I judge myself when my first drafts need a lot of work?
I don’t judge other authors who are finding it hard to market or to sell. Or who are struggling to find time to write, or to keep up the motivation to write in the midst of life happening. So why do I judge myself for those things?
I don’t judge writers who let a typo slip or who could have tweaked that scene or sentence a bit. So why do I judge myself?
Focusing on self: in a positive way
The fact is, when we become perfectionistic, we are self-conscious and self-centered in a negative way. We are focused on our egos, our “merit,” the product of our labor as some kind of stupid indicator of our value as a person.
Well, our value as people has NOTHING to do with we write.
It’s okay to focus on ourselves and to put ourselves in our writing. But when we do, we should do it in this way:
- What am I learning about myself from this scene or this character I’ve written?
- How does this piece I wrote reflect my past, and things I’ve learned from the past? How can it help me make peace with the past?
- How can I use what I’m writing to challenge myself to grow, to try something new, or to leave my comfort zone?
- How does what I’m writing reflect what I think my place in the world is? If I have no clue what that place is, is there a spark or a sentiment in my writing that can give me a place to start searching?
I love writing for me, when it’s for the real me, the me who is still a work in progress and accepts that, because all people are a work in progress. I love writing for me, when writing helps me identify my flaws so that I can work on improving them and being a better person.
I love writing for me when writing gets me thinking about the big questions and reminds me that other people are works in progress too. I get that, and I can be patient with others, so I love when I fall in love with a sloppy scene I wrote that has so much potential, but is such a mess at present….
Those are the moments when writing reminds me to be patient with myself too.
Creative Writing with the Crimson League 